Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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