Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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