i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
