low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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