the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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