2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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