I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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