you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
