I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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