you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
