You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
