I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize