the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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