i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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