guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
