and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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