I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
