too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
