69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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