I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
