I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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