I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize