I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
worst night to have a conscience
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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