It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize