Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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