Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
