the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
