the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize