Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
