Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
