wat bout pragnant strippers??
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
