I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize