Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize