He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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