the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
