You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
