i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
