I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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