I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
