he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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