we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
