Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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