so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
