If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
