Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
