I wannas sexs uuuuu
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
