I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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