before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
