I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i think im in europe. pls send help
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
