You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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