Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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