i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
