Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
