im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
