i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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