Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
