Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
