I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
