Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
