I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
