Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
