Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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