therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
