just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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