then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize