nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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