I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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