Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize